Opini
Menjaga Kehormatan Suami; Kewajiban Siapa?

Published
6 years agoon
By
Mitra Wacana
Oleh : Rindang Farihah (Direktur Mitra Wacana Periode 2013 – 2017)
Sebagai anak perempuan, sejak kecil kita dididik menjadi orang yang manut, berpenampilan lembut, dan pandai menjaga kehormatan keluarga. Pun demikian ketika kita menjadi seorang isteri. Untuk mencapai label isteri yang baik, seorang perempuan harus taat kepada suami, selalu mengiyakan segala yang menjadi keputusan suami.
Mengiyakan, di antaranya termasuk mematuhi setiap larangan suami, bersedia dimadu (dipoligami), juga berdiam diri ketika menerima kekerasan fisik seperti pemukulan. Perempuan tidak diijinkan keluar rumah tanpa ijin suami, meskipun itu pulang ke rumah orangtuanya. Perempuan akan disalahkan ketika dia pulang ke rumah orangtua tanpa didampingi suaminya. Perempuan juga tabu untuk menceritakan persoalan rumah tangganya kepada orang lain.
Pandangan-pandangan di atas merupakan pandangan yang umum berlaku di masyarakat kita yang dipengaruhi oleh pemaknaan pada teks-teks agama. Sehingga, perempuan yang mampu menyimpan rapat-rapat persoalan rumah tangganya dan menaati seluruh keputusan suami meskipun itu tidak adil bagi dirinya adalah perempuan saleh dan terhormat.
Teks-teks berikut merupakan rujukan dan tuntutan bagi perempuan untuk taat kepada laki-laki atau suami. Al-Qur’an surah an-Nisa ayat 34 “arrijalu qowwamuna ala annisa…” selama ini dimaknai laki-laki adalah pemimpin perempuan. Selanjutnya kita juga menemui kata “…wadhribuuhunna….” Yang artinya ‘dan pukullah mereka’, teks yang banyak dirujuk tentang kebolehan seorang suami melakukan pemukulan terhadap isteri ketika dianggap membangkang (nusyuz). Di dalam ayat yang sama juga terdapat kalimat “….Sebab itu maka wanita yang saleh ialah yang taat kepada Allah lagi memelihara diri ketika suaminya tidak ada, oleh karena Allah telah memelihara (mereka).” Teks ini banyak dipakai sebagai dasar mewajibkan isteri menjaga kehormatan suami. Teks inilah yang menjadi rujukan bahwa para isteri harus berdiam diri di rumah (meskipun mereka sedang menghadapi persoalan yang harus diselesaikan di luar rumah).
Praktek Konseling dalam Menyelesaikan Persoalan Rumah Tangga
Konseling adalah sebuah upaya yang biasa dipakai ketika seseorang mengalami persoalan dan kebuntuan dalam menyelesaikan persoalan hidupnya. Dalam kasus tertentu, konseling ditujukan untuk membantu meringankan seseorang dari rasa trauma akibat situasi yang pernah dideritanya. Konseling sangat dibutuhkan perempuan terutama dalam kasus kekerasan dalam rumah tangga.
Menceritakan permasalahan yang bersifat pribadi, menceritakan secara detail tidak bisa dihindarkan dalam praktek konseling. Praktek demikian sangat dibutuhkan apalagi jika kita tahu bahwa ada banyak kasus kekerasan dalam rumah tangga (KDRT) dan kasus kekerasan seksual yang sulit dibuktikan oleh korban. Bahkan termasuk kasus perkosaan dalam rumah tangga (marital rape) yang dialami oleh isteri akibat kelainan perilaku seksual suami. Sering kali isteri harus menyimpan sendiri penderitaannya. Hal ini dilakukan sebagai upaya menjaga kehormatan suami di masyarakat dan demi menjaga keutuhan rumah tangga.
Sedangkan kita tahu dampak dari kekerasan dalam rumah tangga dan marital rape tidak hanya luka secara fisik namun juga psikis. Luka fisik mungkin lebih mudah disembuhkan, namun luka psikis tidak, bahkan butuh proses yang panjang. Dalam luka psikis, korban mengalami trauma, depresi, yang jika dibiarkan berlarut-larut dapat menimbulkan situasi di mana korban kekerasan menganggap kekerasan sebagai sebuah hal yang normal. Tak jarang persoalan ini menambah mata rantai kekerasan pula dalam bentuk ‘reproduksi kekerasan’, di mana korban kemudian turut menjadi pelaku kekerasan. Misal ‘pelampiasan’ dalam bentuk kekerasan terhadap anak.
Betulkah Menjaga Kehormatan Suami adalah Tugas Isteri?
Sebuah pernikahan pada dasarnya dibangun atas dasar cinta, kebersamaan dengan komitmen atau niat ibadah mewujudkan rumah tangga yang sakinah mawaddah wa rahmah. Jika masing-masing pihak menyadari tentang pentingnya komitmen ini, maka konflik dalam rumah tangga (bahkan yang berujung pada perceraian sekalipun) bisa diminimalisir.
Dalam al-Qur’an surah al-Baqarah ayat 187 disebutkan “…Mereka adalah pakaian bagi kalian, dan kalian adalah pakaian bagi mereka”. Ayat tersebut secara mafhum dan manthuq baik laki-laki maupun perempuan sama-sama disebut. Dalam ayat tersebut keduanya memiliki hak dan kewajiban yang sama. Pakaian dalam hal ini kita maknai bukan baju dalam makna sebenarnya, melainkan sikap saling melindungi, mengasihi, menutup aib masing-masing dengan tidak mengumbarnya kepada orang lain, dan hal-hal lain yang berorientasi pada sakinah mawaddah wa rahmah. Tentunya hal ini tidak akan mungkin tercapai jika tidak ada rasa kebersamaan, kesetaraan, dan keadilan dalam bangunan relasi keduanya.
Lalu bagaimana ketika terjadi konflik di antara keduanya? Al-Qur’an surah an-Nisa ayat 35 mengungkapkan, “jika terjadi perselisihan hendaklah mendatangkan hakim dari kedua belah pihak (suami dan isteri)” Fungsi hakim ini bisa menjadi penengah agar mereka mencapai kata damai (islah). Hakim akan memerankan fungsi konselor (melakukan konseling) dalam proses merujukkan keduanya.
Suami dan isteri memiliki kewajiban yang sama dalam menjaga kehormatan diri dan rumah tangga. Baik di dalam maupun di luar rumah. Mereka wajib secara bersama-sama menahan diri untuk tidak saling mengumbar kejelekan dan kelemahan satu sama lain. Dalam mencapai sebuah kemaslahatan semua upaya harus dilakukan. Sebagai bagian dari ikhtiar menggali dan menyelesaikan persoalan, kegiatan konseling menjadi alternatif penting dilakukan. Konseling karenanya adalah sebuah jembatan untuk mencapai hakikat ibadah pernikahan yakni salah satu ibadah dan proses membangun ketakwaan diri sebagai hamba kepada Allah SWT.
Wallahu a’lam bi as–showab
Opini ini juga tayang di website Fatayat DIY https://fatayatdiy.com/menjaga-kehormatan-suami-kewajiban-siapa/
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Opini
Bridging the Gap: Access to Justice for Women in Rural Indonesia

Published
4 days agoon
21 April 2025By
Mitra Wacana
Author: Sarah Crockett (Intern from Australia)
Article 27 of the 1945 Constitution affirmed that all citizens shall be equal before the law, underscoring a core principle of equality within the legal framework of Indonesia. This foundational concept is further reinforced through Article 28D(1); that every person shall be entitled to protection and equitable legal certainty as well as equal treatment before the law. This burdens the State to grant everyone the right to be equal before the law without any excuses. In 1984 Indonesia also ratified CEDAW (The Convention on the Elimination of All Forms of Discrimination against Women). These laws, while well-intentioned, have frequently fallen short of their goals. Over the years, cases have shown how laws failed to facilitate the protection of women and the prevention of sexual harassment in Indonesia. A key aspect of this is the difficulty women experiencing in gaining access to justice following sexual crimes.
This issue of access to justice for women who have experienced sexual violence is heightened in rural areas. Rural regions are not only more isolated in a geographic sense, but the remoteness of location also creates a scarcity of certain assets. There are fewer resources like lawyers, education on the law and other legal aids. This can make it even more difficult to obtain legal counsel and cause confusion around whether individuals are entitled to legal assistance as well as where they can find it. Many women are unaware of their rights or what legal avenues are available to them to address instances of sexual assault. These areas also lack access to essential legal technology such as systems for digital record-keeping.
This gap can create inefficiencies in case handling, particularly in cases of sexual assault where the documentation of incidents is vital to the provision of evidence. The resulting inefficiencies stemming from outdated or ineffective record systems can lead to lost or mismanaged evidence, creating obstacles to timely and efficient legal justice and undermining the credibility of the legal system. Furthermore, a lack of adequate support systems for victims in rural areas, for example advocacy groups or mental health services, can increase feelings of isolation and helplessness resulting in reduced reporting. It is particularly vital that these issues are addressed as a significant portion of reported sexual assaults originate in rural regions. In a survey of 735 court decisions involving the sexual abuse of women 78.1% of cases were from rural region, although many cases go unreported.
Rural regions and more isolated communities tend to have even greater social stigma around female sexual assault than more urban areas. Traditional values in these areas can prioritize family honour and the reputation of the community over individual rights. An example of how this can manifest is the fact that women in rural regions who are assaulted are frequently pressured to marry their rapist to avoid social stigma by both their family and the police. In 2020 in East Nusa Tenggara a fifteen-year-old rape victim was married off by her parents to her seventy-year-old rapist. This stigma is amplified by cultural norms and patriarchal attitudes that place the burden of blame on victims. As a result, victims fear damage to their reputations or even backlash from their families.
Cultural norms may also encourage reconciliation over the pursuit of legal recourse. There is often pressure to avoid legal action to reduce the perceived shame this would bring the families of women who have experienced sexual assault. Victims may also feel that the outcomes they can expect for reporting will be unsatisfactory and therefore decline to pursue formal justice, particularly in rural areas. This stigmatization not only discourages individuals from seeking legal recourse but also affects their mental health and physical well-being. The stigma could extend to the legal process, where victims may face revictimization through insensitive questioning or biased treatment, reinforcing a culture of silence and underreporting. There is also a trend in rural areas of police lacking sensitivity training when dealing with victims of sexual assault, resulting in a bias against claimants and a culture of victim-blaming, further disincentivising victims from reporting.
In recent years, Indonesia experienced progressive development towards its laws and regulations on sexual violence. For years, the Wetboek van Stratrecht (WvS) has been the sole reference of law on sexual violence in Indonesia. In general, the Dutch-inherited criminal code is not sufficient to accommodate the fast-changing dynamics of criminal law in Indonesia. For years, Indonesia applied a very limited definition of sexual violence that often ending up causing harm to victims and restricted the effectiveness of legal enforcement. The retributive nature of Indonesia’s criminal law also puts aside the victim’s rights and interests which a massive application of restorative justice in Indonesia’s criminal law has tried to reform. Indonesia has now enacted Law Number 12 of 2022 on Sexual Violence which adopted a broader definition of sexual violence. The adoption of a broader definition of sexual violence could be seen from the inclusion of non-physical sexual harassment, marital sexual harassment, and online-based sexual violence.
Law Number 12 of 2022 also puts more focus on the victim compared to the old law as it is more perpetrator-oriented. The new law sets out a series of measures for the protection of the victim of sexual harassment such as medical and psychological guidance, restitution, rehabilitation, and also legal aid. The new law also recognises the importance of the victim’s own statements as well as digital evidence. However, despite the improvements shown by Law Number 12 of 2022, there have been a lot of obstacles in implementing the law. Law enforcement officers, especially police and prosecutors, are often poorly trained in handling sexual violence cases from a victim-centered perspective, resulting in many cases not being taken seriously or being overlooked. This also causes victims to doubt whether their cases would be taken seriously or if they would experience backlash for being the victims of sexual crimes.
The new law on sexual violence is expected to bring fresh air to the enforcement and eradication of sexual harassment in Indonesia. It is also in the spirit of applying the concept of restorative justice in Indonesia’s criminal law, while slowly leaving the long-adopted concept of retributive justice. In its formulation, the Government labelled Law Number 12 of 2022 on Sexual Violence as a more accommodating law and provides more care to the victim by introducing more definitions of sexual violence, legal aid to the victim, restitution, and a higher sanction to the perpetrator. Despite all the claims made by the Government of the Republic of Indonesia, the law is far from what seems to be the objective of the law. One of the most vital points in ensuring the success of the implementation of the law is the legal enforcer. As perfect as it is, the law will not be ideal if the enforcement is weak.
In addition, the enforcement of the law in online-based sexual violence remains ineffective. The digital infrastructure provided by the government in battling with online-based sexual violence is insufficient and cannot accommodate the fast-paced development of the internet. This can result in victims being left untreated and the existing systems for protection and prevention of online sexual violence are very minimal. Overall, further work is required in order to facilitate better access to justice for women in rural Indonesia.

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